God Save The Queen
by BobbysIdjit
Summary: A moment with Gemma. A peek into the matriarchs mind. Drabble.


**God Save The Queen**

Fandom » Sons Of Anarchy

Author: BobbysIdjit

Characters: Gemma Teller-Morrow

Pairings: Slight implied Gemma/Nero

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Disclaimer: All characters appearing in any of the stories posted here are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. I do not, in any way, profit from any story posted here and that all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).

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The room was dark, shadows seemed to stretch out and grasp every corner.

She didn't mind the dark though.

She didn't mind much lately.

Her normally tidy and well coiffed hair was in total disarray, her features were pinched and stony, and a lit joint dangled from between her fingertips.

The pungent stench of alcohol and that sweet-smelling smoke hung thickly in the air around her, curling around her in delicate swirls.

She was alone.

She'd been alone for a while now.

Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Alone.

Bitter.

Angry.

...exhausted.

Things just weren't so easy anymore.

Maybe they had never been easy.

Maybe she was just...

Tired.

Things use to be so much better than this.

There use to be some semblance of happiness, even if the perception was soaked in blood and lies. She had been happy.

But now, with everything falling to shit, not even the perception was holding up anymore.

She was falling.

Falling into that familiar dark expanse of nothing. Afraid of the shadows that lay there. Of all those past ghosts that will catch up to her someday and choke the life from her with their devastating knowledge.

Her ghosts, as well as Clays, hell, the whole goddamn clubs, had the power to destroy everything.

Another long, hard pull of the joint.

A deep inhale.

Lungs burning.

Exhale.

A bittersweet catharsis that was beginning to lose its effect.

Her parents had labeled her a bad girl. Her community; a feared fuck up. Her family; a matriarch. And since she could remember she'd always lived up to the reputation.

She had fun.

She went after what she wanted.

She protected what was hers.

Only, lately she couldn't seem to do that.

Everything was wrong. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go.

Her jaw clenched at the mere thought of everything she'd lost.

The club was falling apart.

The doctor bitch was trying to take her grandsons from her. That just would not happen. No, one could take them from her.

A ripple of pain shuddered through her tired body as she thought of a life without those boys.

_Her goddamn boys._

Jax didn't trust her. Hell, no one did.

Nero..A bright flash of his face flashed in her mind as she took another draw. In her crazy world, Nero was one of the things that made it easier to breathe.

He made her _happy_.

Gemma moved her clouded eyes. Somewhere. Anywhere to get her mind off of him. She couldn't have him.

All because of the Club.

For something she loved so much, she also loathed it in equal measure.

Her head fell back, her hair falling over her shoulders, her eyes moving heavenward, and let out a long breath.

Wrong.

Right.

Good.

Bad.

Black.

White.

Some people like to think life is easy. Simple. And maybe it is for some uptight bitch with a condo worth a mill, and record as pure as a nuns pussy, but for her; her whole life seemed to be seeped in the gray.

She was drowning in it.

Drowning in the blood.

The Death.

She felt a painful thrum in her chest.

Stubbing out the joint, her fingers clenched on the rough wood, her knuckles going white. A lump of emotion lodged in her throat that no matter how much she tried, it wouldn't go away.

Taking in deep breaths to calm herself, Gemma licked her dry lips while she absentmindedly fingered the rim of the glass.

She knew she wasn't the model woman that her parents had wanted her to be, but still to this day she couldn't bring herself to regret any of the choices she'd made. She didn't regret anything, because regretting something she'd done meant to admit to herself she was wrong. And the shroud of pride that had been so thickly wrapped around her for so long wouldn't let her do that.

Her hands lay limply in her lap. Her eyes unfocused and unseeing. Her mouth a firm thin line.

She would never admit it out loud but her pride was unmovable.

She would rather cut off her own tongue.

She knew it would be her down fall.

Pride... what a son of a bitch.

But that was part of what made her...her.

Her boys knew what she was. Her faults and all. Loved her in spite, or maybe because of them.

She was their Queen.

And she couldn't do a damn thing to protect them.

Not anymore.

Not after every goddamn thing in this cesspool of a town had gone wrong.

Eyes blazing with a myriad of emotion, ranging between love, pain, heartache, rage, sadness, and exhaustion, she stood up from her slouched position. Mindlessly she trailed a finger over her scar, and took one last swallow of the amber liquid and walked toward her bedroom.

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A/N: So guys, its been a while eh? I've been hit with writers block with 'Breath Of Life' and I just had to get my head out of the spn fandom for a little bit. So I went and devoured the SOA, all seasons in a few days. To say I loved it would be an understatement. So I'm new to this fandom, and this is my first fic for the SOA, so pretty please be kind.

This is just a small snap shot of what I imagine her mind to be like. I just had the overwhelming urge to write, and the only thing that kept going through my head was Gemma. She's not my favorite character, but I just had to explore her head just a bit. I hope you guys enjoy and a big virtual hug to all those who read!


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